if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
