I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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