i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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