i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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