I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
