i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are we still banned from the library?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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