it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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