I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
