we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
