i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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