I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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