If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
