Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
