sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
