we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
