just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
