dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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