Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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