i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize