So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think your dad took our porno
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
