Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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