I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
