I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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