I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
