why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
