I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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