i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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