Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
