Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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