I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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