help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
