I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
