You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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