You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
