apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
