so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
