Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
