Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
