sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
