i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
