I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
