We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
