dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
