U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
