Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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