the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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