Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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