its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
