Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
