he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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