i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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