Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Still dying that you shit outside
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
