Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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