He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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