i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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