either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
