look no pants
i love accidental penises.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
