i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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