i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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