isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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