I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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