Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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