I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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