I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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