Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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