Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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