I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
