he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
