handjob tips. give me some.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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