umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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