I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
