I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
