I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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