walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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