she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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