i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
